On not talking about the change

I can’t say that I am happy with my last post.  For a while now I have been trying to figure how to express what has changed in the last couple of months.  Every time I write about it or talk to someone about it comes off sounding quite lame.  I am beginning to wonder if this is implicit to the change.  Talking about is largely insufficient or least how I have been talking about it.  The change is an orientation that affects how I talk and act with regards to other things.  But when I try to explain the change itself it seems to be annulled in its apparent insignificance.  And so, this post will also feel a little lame to me (and likely to you if you care to read it).  After I finished the last post I felt some anxiety.  Is there a change?  Don’t I need an exteriority to witness to the change?  Thinking again of Kierkegaard the question is not about whether truth will manifest externally but whether the external offers the essential materials for expressing truth.  Kierkegaard rejects this because in trying to orient truth and subjectivity in this manner is to go beyond what is possible for humans.  We are not capable of wielding the external variables in a manner that would make truth evident.  I think this is an underrepresented element in his thought.  In many ways it is safer to go beyond because in going beyond one sheds the engagement with actuality and so hides in piety or in ‘radical’ theory.  Again, this is not about rejecting a social critique or structural engagement only about failing to form subjectively.  Also, I think Kierkegaard would easily admit that positive social change can happen through ‘subjectively impoverished’ individuals, this also is not the question.  How Kierkegaard informs me is in the necessary continuity and ongoing-ness of life that always draws on something.  I suspect I should start pushing his thinking further but I have been patient particularly knowing that CUP is the culmination of his ‘first authorship’ and some of the volumes to come become much more ‘directly’ engaged.  For now he continues to offer a valuable way of interpreting my own subjectivity.

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